now

I can go. But where and when? No matter how far or which day i am still here. This is about a "now" where i am for the past thirty eight years. This moment is where i am. Can i move to the last or the next moment? I could not go to the last but i went to the next and yet again i am here. The next is still there. It is raining now and i can hear the sound of the falling drops. The trees are taking a shower and the sand bathing. Dark all around except only one reading light at the desk. I can remain in the now forever. But the urge to go to the last or the next makes my body age and my soul a distant loner. If i try to leave this moment i might loose my reflection which is the only otherself i have. I might not even have a shadow to be read in this moment of another. Now it is indeed, and when the rain fall less, i can hear the whispers of the leaves. Freshly tossing each other they talk of the now they have. I wonder how many drops fall each time it rains. Or does it fall from that top as a tiny drop or a long line breaking into drops from a certain distance. Rain falls from a cloud it seems. Looks like a piece of cotton from below here. A few clouds make a million drops fall to let a lot more like me to be in this moment for a lifetime. Survival of this now depends on a lot of tiny little nothings and somethings like that. From day six of the beginning until day nine of the end there is only three days of continuous now that i have. Why are the drops less now? I wish a lot more rain falls so that i can hear the shower. Last weekend, when it was a "now" then, i did experience a heavy rain. I was out on the deck of a boat. It was a heavy shower with a blow of wind. So good to feel the rain on me as i captured some moments of the fall on my camera. I was out there for a little many "nows" and did wish for that moment to last forever. The wish came true. That moment is still here and so is the now. Even the rain is still here. But why is it that i feel a difference in the now of all my moments. All my life it is a now, But yet i feel like having so many nows that makes me so different at moments. Now is what i had. Now is what i have. And i guess now is what i will have. Only i wish the rain to last.