Monday, August 31, 2009

Memoirs of My Childhood – Part 1 (1971 – 1976)

I do not remember 1971 or 1972. My pre 1976 memories include dancing grass, moving shadows, a little sandpiper, coral masonry without doors, a twinkling red light and endless sea.

Some days I simply squat in this dancing grass. It is when the morning light is soft and low. I hide there quietly motionless until I feel the warmth of the glowing afternoon. I see my shadow dance with the tall thin grass of many greens. This wind that comes to me, no one sees but my closed eyes. Pass beyond me it goes chasing the grass and the grass runs to hide.

Some days I sit under the portia tree at the entrance of our home. Then, it was not the tree which interests me, but now I admire and collect the timber of it. I remember staring at the shadows under the tree. I see slow moving groups of many circles in varying neutral tones. Overlay into one another making deeper shades of intersections. And little orange ladybugs with black dots on its back move around it.

One day I remember we had a little sandpiper bird. It was very quick in moving around the house. It went into a hole in the coral masonry and never came back.

These walls had no doors for some time. Only a light cotton curtain covered the entrance. I remember the nights when we sleep. This curtain rise when that wind which no one sees pass through. That is when I see a twinkling red light from a distant dark sky. Later I knew that it was a signal light at the top of the television station tower.

In front of our home is the ring road, then called the marine drive, of the capital and beyond is the endless sea. A light blue green is all I see for a far distance. My elder brother takes me to the sea without telling mother. He is always too active unlike me. I remember the sea was fun. There is a very deep certain area on the left side in a distance. The people of the town call that location Amelia Depths. Amelia was a famous dancer who lived during that time. And later I came to know why people named that deep area by her name. It seems that she gave birth to her child in the depths of that lagoon. I was fascinated with the colourful fishes and the corals and seashells that we find plenty. But the interesting part is the return home after the enjoyment from the sea. From returning we quietly go to the bathroom for a shower. The bathroom is a large detached outdoor place with coconut thatched walls. At one side is a large well surrounded by a circular cement floor. There is a cylindrical tin a foot in diameter and to it is fixed a long round stick. We call it “dhaani”, and it is used to take water out from the well and we pour on our head for a great shower.

Everyday on our return from the sea we get caught by our mother. This was really frightening for me but still I join him the next day.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

somewhere

there is this place

one might want to go

as always

not knowing where

and how to

but one knows for sure

that the place is there

somewhere

along the shores of hope

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Reply from My Soul

(Re: “Letter to My Soul” dated May 2009)

 

My Dearest Adobe

 

I am a nomad. And you are my home for only a moment. Adobe I shall name you. You are just clay and straw to me. Made of this earth and there you go again as dust. Good to know that you miss me, even at this late hour. Staying at your place taught me great lessons that I shall carry in me, but I like seeing new places.

You complain the late reply. But it is you who are so distant. Reaching you is hard once more. We began closer together. Since then you have travelled so far apart. And all that time I remained unknown within. Even when felt we do not recognize anymore. So why stay within an empty clay pot. There is so much happiness waiting beyond.

You yourself are the reason for missing me. Have you not felt me more than you can ever see me? So do not miss me any more. When I leave, you will not have time to gather clouds for even a salty rain. You will be busy gathering more than you can carry. Cold indeed you shall be. Don’t even bother dreaming in colour.

I am leaving for no reason so simple that you can ever understand. I heard all you had to say but you never understood my whisper. And we have been holding each other until you slipped away.

You do not know how to see me. You only saw the rain coming. I felt the beauty of it. For you it is sweet water. You never knew I swallowed the bitter salt of all the rain that fell on you.

Why do you want to know how I look like? You have not even known yourself at all. The time I spent here is only for you. And my departure is for a reason that will only benefit you alone. That is for the freedom that you have been asking for all these years.

How can you hurt me more than you have already? I have no possessions to take except myself. My song is mine to take. Very true indeed that my song is the breeze that blows through you which you own not. Pardon me but I cannot take your smile away. You will be so numbed by my departure that you yourself shall forget to smile again.

My dearest Shelter.

This indeed is a moment of truth. Thank you for giving me at least the twilight from your saddest dreams. Even that much cannot hold me from letting you sleep forever. And thank you for giving me darkness of your hazy nights. My light only shines not shun the path that you walk.

 

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

My Other Self

Here’s to you my other self

That I write to send nowhere

We are the nearest one can be

So you’ll read within me